So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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