first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
