you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
