He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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