I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
