good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
