you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
