just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
