I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
