my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
