I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
