Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
