if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
what day is it and did you see me today?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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