apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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