someone threw a dead crab at me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
