I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Swine flu is the new snow day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
