You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
