hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
