Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
