So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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