I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
