garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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