I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
