Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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