Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
