Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Houston, we have a blender
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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