just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
