This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
