My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
