Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
