how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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