Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
