he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so let's talk penis.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
