Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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