i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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