We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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