got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
