Kiss
Puke
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
