get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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