after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
