I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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