I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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