He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
