You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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