I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
