Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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