Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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