i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
