Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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