I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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