I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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