Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
