i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
