have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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