Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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