He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
