True but thats because hes a fetus.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
