Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
