goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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