So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
