i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
