I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
