Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
