so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just puked most of my soul out..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
