I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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