SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
