K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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