can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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