he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
