I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
