hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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